Schedule

In this review of "Married...With Children's" most hilarious sports clips, commentator Roy Firestone takes a look at the athletic prowess of "the biggest loser in the world," Al Bundy (Ed O'Neill)!

In an effort to get Peggy's mom (Kathleen Freeman) to leave their home, Al (Ed O'Neill) and Bud (David Faustino) take Ephraim Wanker (Tim Conway) hunting. While Al insists that the mean streets of Chicago have made him a match for anything the Wanker County woods have to offer, an unprecedented display of cowardice causes Ephraim to leave him and Bud to fend for themselves.

While Al (Ed O'Neill) is sure he's coming to retrieve Peggy (Katey Sagal), Peggy's dad arrives with a buxom young travel agent to announce their upcoming trip around the world together. However, after news that he's already married forces Ephraim (Tim Conway) to find another companion, Peggy suggests her parents attend a marriage encounter weekend. Meanwhile, Kelly (Christina Applegate) offers Bud (David Faustino) a hot date with Fawn (Lisa Boyle) if only he'll take care of her own date's younger sister first.

After spending the weekend at a chic, expensive beauty spa, Suzanne 's pique when her fellow workers ignore the results is allayed by the attention of a new client.

It's shades of "Romeo and Juliet" as two feuding mountain families descend on the women of Sugarbaker's.

Mike and Gloria's sex life suffers after they have to begin planning their encounters around the baby's feeding schedule.

Archie is insistent on having Joey baptized, but both Gloria and Mike refuse. Archie decides to take matters into his own hands.

Prior to becoming a member, Frye (Sherman Hemsley) blunders into a sting operation at a country club. Ron Glass guest stars.

Looking for adventure, a leather-jacketed Frye (Sherman Hemsley) takes to the highway on his Honda. With Anna Maria Horsford.

Steve (Steve Harvey) counsels Romeo (Merlin Santana) about his immodest behavior with his new girlfriend at school and then frantically races to Kansas City with Regina (Wendy Raquel Robinson) to stop the two teens from eloping.

Steve (Steve Harvey) pretends to be blind to woo a beautiful woman, only to discover she and Regina (Wendy Raquel Robinson) are close friends. Meanwhile, in an effort to win a new computer, Bullethead (William Lee Scott) daringly enlists in the school beauty pageant with the hope of being crowned Miss Booker T.

Michael first stuns the Evans family with his decision to move out and then shocks them totally with the second part of his plan. Florida, realizing that no amount of screaming will make Michael change his mind, tries a more silent approach that she hopes will keep her family together.

Feeling jealous and neglected, Fred conjures up several ruses that will hopefully keep Lamont from spending so much time with Julio. Convinced his son doesn't want to be his pal anymore, he also sets out to make him feel guilty by meeting with an agent from a funeral home to discuss burial insurance.

Thelma (Anna Maria Horsford) is hit on the head -- resulting in amnesia -- and becomes a changed woman. With Clifton Davis and Sherman Hemsley.

Deacon Frye (Sherman Hemsley) makes a shambles of the courtroom when he is assigned a murder case. With Clifton Davis.

In the Season 6 Premiere, Regina (Wendy Raquel Robinson) accuses Steve (Steve Harvey) of telling people about their relationship after she told him to keep it a secret. Meanwhile, Cedric (Cedric the Entertainer) and Lovita (Terri J. Vaughn) find that pregnancy has complicated their relationship.

After talking to Lovita (Terri J. Vaughn), Steve (Steve Harvey) gives Regina (Wendy Raquel Robinson) a key to his apartment, only to have the gesture backfire on him. Meanwhile, Lydia (Lori Beth Denberg) tries to dumb herself down for her boyfriend.

It's like a dream come true when Thelma gets a scholarship offer from an exclusive girl's school -- until a visitor from the school gives the family reason to re-evaluate Thelma's prospects. Meanwhile, Florida and James envision Thelma as a doctor, her brothers happily squabble over who will get her room and Willona makes plans for her lavish new wardrobe.

Feeling much like Prof. Henry Higgins, Fred attempts to transform the lowly Esther into an elegant lady in order to collect $500 from her husband. When she enters a beauty contest, in which Lamont happens to be a judge, Fred thinks being rich is far more important than being honest...and tries to convince Lamont of the same thing.

Powerful steroids are killing high-school athletes; substitute teacher Walker must find their source.

Walker recalls his fiancee in painful flashbacks when her killer, a man now determined to murder Walker, is released from prison.

Victor LaRue makes a bloody escape from his competency hearing, holding the courtroom hostage to exact his revenge against Alex.

Walker must rescue a young man sought by a powerful Chinese gang that wants to retrieve from him a jade dragon they believe possesses magical powers.

911 BREAK IN BOY:A 10-year-old boy and bis five-year-old sister were home alone in Monterey, California, when IMF9899046 they heard the sound of someone breaking into their house. The boy was able to call the 911 emergency number and explain the situation to the operator, even as the intruder entered the house.ANIMAL DOCU:Angel Memorial Animal Hospital in Boston is one of the world's premiere hospitals of its kind, IMF9899046 treating up to 45,000 patients a year. RESCUE 911 cameras visited the facility as the staff struggled to Save the lives of severely injured animals.

911 MOTHER SHOOTING:A Bowmanville, Canada, Francine Nichola. S, a mother of six, was awakened just before dawn byher husband who was standing by her bed aiming a .22 caliber rifle at her face. The couple's 6-year-old daughter watched helplessly as her father shot her mother at close range.CONRAIL TRAIN:Two young children were playing on railroad tracks in Ramsey, N.J., oblivious to a freight trainbearing down on them at 25 mph. The conductor frantically sounded the warning whistle, and jammed on the breaks. Realizing the train wouldn't stop in time, the conductor climbed down from the engine, and prepared to make a desperate leap onto the tracks to shield the youngsters from the deadly force of the train.

EASTER HUNT:After years of kidney disease, Charles R. of Orange County, Califia. desperately needed a new organ to prolong his life. Ironically, when one unexpectedly became available for transplant, he was 200 miles away on a camping trip. and there was no way to contact him. Rescue workers set out by helicopter to find him, knowing they had to transplant the kidney within 12 hours.MOUNT WHITNEY:Rescuers from the Chins Lake Rescue Team hiked all night up California's Mt. Whitney, the highest peak in the Continental United States, to rescue a mountain climber stranded on a narrow ledge.

NO HELMET HORROR:While bicycling, an 8-year-old girl in Cheltenham, Pennsylvania, who was not wearing a protective helmet, was hit by an oncoming car when she suddenly darted into traffic.RIDING MOWER RESCUE:In Mountain Grove, Missouri, a woman cutting the grass of her front lawn on a ride-on power mower asked her oldest grandchild to hold a swing carrying a younger grandchild until she passed it. But as she rode by, the younger child jumped off. the swing, slipped on the wet grass and was caught in the sharp blades of the machine.

Melanie's mother and Victoria's father visit ; Erika brings Joy and her mother together.

Melanie's ex-husband comes to woo her; Elka must decide between two senior suitors.

Victoria volunteers with a school play; Melanie's has new romance; Elka goes funeral crashing.

The Stivics are shocked when they are told that Archie has joined the ranks of the nation's unemployed.

Archie gets a job as a janitor, but a college graduate that applied for the same position threatens to commit suicide. Archie does his best to keep the man from leaping to his death.

Archie's trip to the hospital is an ethnic nightmare. He's admitted by a Puerto Rican receptionist, treated by a Jewish physician, and is forced to accept a blood transfusion from a black doctor.

Archie is recuperating from gallbladder surgery and becoming more comfortable with the idea that they fact that his transfusion came from a female West Indian doctor.

Fred's old flame Juanita (Ja'net DuBois) brings her daughter Alice (Emily Yancy) to dinner and it's love at first sight for Lamont. Juanita discloses a very delicate and difficult situation when she tells Fred that Alice is really his daughter -- and Lamont is thus dating his sister. When Lamont announces plans to marry Alice, Fred tries to tell him the truth -- but can't.

Fred and Lamont find a bum in their yard and, before they know it, the Sanfords are jumping to his every whim for fear he'll make good his threat. The uninvited guest claims Fred pushed him -- creating untold injuries -- and he's threatened to sue them for everything they own. At the point of disgust, Fred devises a scheme to prove the bum a faker.

When Fred invites his fiancée Donna and a door-to-door saleslady to dinner on the same evening, Lamont is convulsed by his father's attempts to keep the women apart. Instead of telling Donna that the dinner is cancelled, Lamont tells her to bring dinner with her.

When Fred Sanford receives a slight injury in a car mishap, Lamont finds himself waiting on his father hand and foot. Fred rejects the idea of having Aunt Ethel (Beah Richards) help him around the house and settles for Lamont's zany plan to hire a housekeeper. But when she arrives, Fred is aghast to learn she is white... and lazy. Mary Wickes guest stars as the housekeeper.